Becoming Who I Want To Be

or you could call it "Lyn wanted a day to just ramble"

I’ve been thinking about my life, the way I live it and what I want out of it. I think I need to make some changes in order to achieve the things I want.

I need to de-clutter my life. More so in the materialistic sense than any other, as I lead a pretty simple life. I just have so much stuff. Stuff I don’t need. It’s hard for me to let go of somethings because I feel guilty that I spent money on an item without using it, but I just need to suck it up and let go. If I wasted money, well then I should just learn from it and move on. I still have wasted money on whatever it is by it just sitting around, collecting dust. Might as well donate it and let someone else have it who will actually use it.

I need to cultivate a more “grown up” wardrobe. I’ve talked about it before on here, how I feel like a fashion schlub at work and where I work now is pretty laid back when it comes to wardrobe. If I ever want to go work somewhere else, I doubt most of my wardrobe would be “appropriate.” I want to start this journey by getting rid of clothes that I don’t wear, I shouldn’t wear, that don’t fit, or that I have too many of (I’m looking at you, my million of t-shirts). However, as for the ones that “don’t fit” I might salvage a few of those and get them tailored (if they are too big). This might save me money in the long run. I just need to find a good tailor.  Then, I will hit up the very thrift stores, consignment shops and second hand stores that I gave my unwanted items too and try to find some staples of a “grown up” wardrobe. After that, I will hit up the non-preowned apparel shops that are in my price range to find what I didn’t at the other shops.

Also, while we are talking fashion-shoes. I wear my shoes to the point of humiliation…and then I keep wearing them. I need to clean out my closet of the ones that are beyond hope, take the ones that might be salvageable to a cobbler to have fixed and then suck it up and buy some new ones. Also, I need to get better about buying WIDE shoes. I have some cute shoes that are just too damn tight.


I love these shoes, but I think it's time to let go.

I also need to get my home in order. I want to be able to do freelance to earn some extra money and not have be a hassle to find what I’m looking for in piles of crap. I want to be able to live healthier so I will spend less on medical bills in the long run. This currently means having a living room that isn’t disgusting so I can do work-out videos in it. Also, just being cleaner in general I’m sure will add to the quality of my life.

Might as well go for broke in this entry, my one main wish is that I could someone who lives by routine. That sounds really depressing if you aren’t inside my head and know what I mean. I don’t want a regimented life or anything like that, I just wish I had a morning routine, a before bed routine, a weekend when nothing is planned routine…that kinda thing. I try to give myself some semblance of routine via this blog (by having each day segmented) but really I am pretty all over the place. My mornings are usually: get up, throw on clothes, make sure the cat has food and water (if he’s lucky), make sure I have my phone and cigs and then out the door to work. I wish it were more of the put on make-up, fix my hair, wear the pre-laid out outfit, fix lunch, feed the cat, gather the things I need for the day and then off to work. I know that sounds REALLY simple, but I love me some sleep y’all. Same goes for the evenings: piddle about to I drop from exhaustion; wish it were: plan outfit, set things together to make lunch for the next day, pick up around the house, go to bed at a decent hour. But this desire is not one I’m holding my breath on obtaining. Routines are tougher to set. Tougher than cleaning out my apartment and closet anyway.

I worry that by waiting until I get my life in order and not acting on opportunities that in front of me now will mean that I’m missing out or even that I might perhaps be hiding behind this desire to put things in order that have seemingly nothing to do with said opportunities out of fear. Fear of rejection or failure; however, I think the likelihood of either of those outcomes diminishes greatly if I can be at a point in my life where things are less chaotic.


5 thoughts on “Becoming Who I Want To Be

  1. I enjoyed your article. Thank you. I have sentiments about my life at the moments. I also feel I need to sort my life out and figure out what I really out of my life. I only wish it’s simpler and more straight forward. Perhaps I am just over thinking it 🙂


    • Thank you for your comment. Even after I posted this entry, I haven’t done much to change my ways. Well, I stopped wearing my horrible shoes, but that has just meant I have resorted to wearing my Chucks more often to work. :/
      I think the more those I’m surrounded by (friends and family) change and obtain life goals, the more motivated I become. That seems to be what is happening these days anyway.

      And I over think EVERYTHING. Sometimes it adds more stress to things than necessary, but I kind of like the sense of relief when something turns out to be easier than expected. It’s only easier because I over thought the whole thing to begin with; and it when something turns out to be difficult I’m somewhat more prepared (I like to think, in hindsight, anyway). Good luck to you.


  2. I need a new life too. Those are pretty shoes. You could always have them repaired to look brand new at a Shoe repair shop. I need to do a makeover of my hair and clothes but, the money is just not there. I look so shabby I feel humiliated. Take care now and have fun..


    • I have quite a few pairs I need to take to a shoe repair place. I worry that they won’t be able to do much for the scuffs in the leather on these (not to mention the leather is worn off completely in some spots). Have you used a shoe repair place before? Do you know if they can handle those kind of things?


  3. Yes they can. The best one I went to was called Shoe stop. They can repair the whole soul too. Some shoes you just cannot find the style again.


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